I don't Want It & Why?

I don't want to rely or trust
my friends so much.
cause I'm afraid that one they'll
leave me..
I don't want that to happen..

The things that I wish to never happen
between my friends
are happening right now..
When I told them about my feelings right now,,
they just stop talking to me..
Yeah.. some of them did talk to me.. but it is
Hi and bye.. that's all..
Why is this happening?
Is it because of me ?

Recently,
I didn't go recces with them..
did they missed me when I'm not with them?
If they really missed me,, they go to me and
ask me to go and recces with them..
But they didn't do that..
I was really disappointed on them, but I really
expect all of this would happen..

Why is it me ?
who's the one that always take
the first step?
But when I told this to you,,
You said that we should take the first
step to know your friends...
Yeah.. I should do that..and I already done that..
But did you ever done that to me?